Coaching

The Essential Self vs. The Social Self

What's the difference between the Essential Self and Social Self, and why does it matter?

The Essential Self is the self you were born with. It’s your biology. It's all the parts that make up YOU as a complete and whole human being. I think of it as what’s within you, or your ‘True Nature’ (thank you, Martha Beck).

The Social Self is the self that is developed over time based on environment, interactions with others, and responses between you and them. I think of this as what influences you from the outside and how it shifts or ‘colors’ the internal or essential self’s instinctual thoughts & perspective. It’s also called our ‘Cultural Self’ (thanks again, Martha Beck).

As I coach my clients, I find it very interesting that when the essential self and social self are working together, a client will feel very much in alignment inside, which is often visible from the outside. Someone who is 'in alignment' gets noticed when they walk into a room.  They're that person who has an intangible glow about them, a little pep in their step, an air of joy, peace, serenity and calmness that's almost palpable.

On the flip-side, when the essential self and social self are incongruent and misaligned, a person can feel conflicted and might appear to be uncomfortable in their own skin.  That's because when incongruence or asynchronicity occurs, typically the essential self is squelched, and the social self takes over. This leads to general dissatisfaction in life and ultimately causes suffering. You've seen that type too: Often a little grumpy, easily annoyed by others, frustrated often and generally restless, irritable and discontented.  Most likely, they don't feel good about themselves from the inside, and perhaps they don't even know there's a different way of living that's possible.

If the difference is so clear, then why does this happen? Well, the social self has historically been there to help you survive in difficult times, and is concerned about outward appearances. Therefore, the social self tends to be favored, especially with social media & the current state of our culture, because, as a whole, we're more concerned about how we look to others than about who we are inside.  Others opinions take greater weight over our own needs when we're unhappy with ourselves and seek external approval to feel just a little bit better.

If this resonates with you, then don't you're in the right place!  I can help guide you using various coaching tools to impact or shift your beliefs and better align your social and essential self. This will lead to more satisfaction in your life, and less suffering.  Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.  For real!

So, if you had the option, which would you choose? Do you want to be one of those people that turns heads when you walk into a room?  Or one of the grumpy types who's always a little uncomfortable and annoyed? I've been on the grumpy side before, and I think I'll stay right here in alignment and live happy joyous and free!  I can help you get there too, I promise!!

Book a coaching session now!

1:1 or Group programs available.

Book Now

Stay connected with news and updates!

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from our team.

We will never sell your information to a third party.

Get the FREE pdf

Find Your Happy Place in Life!

An OVERVIEW of The 6 Stepping Stones Strategy and an

IN-DEPTH look at STEPPING STONE 1.

Get started on YOUR Strategy today!

Download the FREE PDF now!